I Never Felt Lonely

I never felt lonely,
Even as an only child,
When I was young,
My best friend’s brother,
Was like a brother to me too,
I never thought or cared,
Things just seemed easier that way,
I was spoiled a little,
But also not,
Had to go without,
Sometimes would have to go
Few months before getting things,
K-Mart was my mom’s best friend,
But I never really felt lonely,
There weren’t times I couldn’t find,
Something to do even when I was alone,
Although I didn’t have an older sibling
To watch over me,
Or a younger one to help mold,
I learned how to take care of myself,
From a young age,
With my mom not being able to afford,
A babysitter as I started getting older,
My grandmother lived close by,
I never felt lonely,
No matter the circumstance,
Because I knew love,
Even though I never knew a sibling,
I did find out when I was older,
That I had a half brother,
But I have never met him,
All I ever knew was me,
But through the years,
I have adopted family,
And have become part of family,
And so although I might not have a blood sibling,
Although I might never know that particular love,
I can never feel lonely,
Because there is so much love,
So much kindness,
So much compassion,
So much beauty,
So much wonder,
With the family in my life,
Every single day.

Not A Woman Of Complexity

I am not a woman of complexity,
Not one to take hours to figure out what to wear,
Not one to always be perfect,
Rather be comfortable than anything else,
Not one to have millions of shoes,
Or items of makeup,
Or jewelry,
I am simplistic,
Always have been,
Probably always will,
Had to learn from a young age,
To not always have a bunch of things,
Never could understand,
Why there was such a need,
To have this and that,
Always grateful for what I had,
Always tried to make the best,
Even sometimes having second hand,
I was not one that was spoiled,
I was raised by a single parent,
Who couldn’t always afford many things,
I am not a woman of complexity,
I am one, who rather focuses on other things,
There is so much more to life,
So much more to this world,
Than to always worry completely,
About what clothes one wears,
Although clothes can sometimes say certain things,
Sometimes we forget to look more within,
We get so blinded by things that don’t even matter,
So although I am not a woman of complexity,
At least when it comes to what I wear,
I am a woman, who thinks,
Who believes,
Who dreams,
Who knows,
That there is a beauty of life,
That is deeper than what is out the outside,
And knows that there are so many,
That just wants to feel,
Just want to know,
Just want to have someone,
Who cares beyond,
Those things that we see on the outside,
And look inside instead.

Day 3 My Parents

All of my life the only parent I ever knew was my mom Rose. I can only recall one time during my childhood before I entered my 7th grade year on meeting my father. That was a less than pleasant experience. One I don't talk about that often because although I have been working on forgiving and letting it go even after all these years it still is hard on occasion. Not that my mom wasn't a great parent growing up as she was, but being told you are not one's child can be hard especially when you are twelve.

Although maybe not the best thing to deal with being raised by a single parent did have it's advantages at times. I learned a lot of lessons I am not sure I would have learned at that age. I learned very quickly how to save money, that you can't always have everything you want and to be okay with that, how to handle stress as much as possible on shortages, and that although packing and moving is hard you can make the best of it. I do know that I have a half brother somewhere out in the world that I have never met and my dad's family my mom last contact with when I was young.

There is still the wanting a way to find them although I have not had the luck or chance to find them yet. As far as I know Jack my real father lives in Arizona. One nice thing now though is that I feel I have a bunch of adopted family plus Troy's family has accepted me as part of the family as well. I am still very much cared for and my mom is my best friend. Life is good.

My Beliefs

I believe in love,
A deep wonderful emotion,
That might not always be easy,
But is wonderful,
And is worth it,
I believe in dreams,
Those that you can wrap yourself,
Around and hold on tight,
Those that might not always be easy,
But always so worth it,
At the end of every day,
I believe in hope,
To never give up,
To keep on going,
Despite it all,
I believe in friends,
People that can truly be there for you,
No matter what you are going through,
And loves you,
And cares for you,
Even through any short comings,
I believe in humanity,
Even though there is so much evil,
So much hatred,
So much pain,
I believe there is still good,
There is still wonder,
There is still beauty,
There is still hope,
At the end of the day,
I believe in God,
The Heavenly Father,
The one that sent His Son,
In order for us to not perish,
And to be able to live eternity,
In Heaven with Him,
I believe in joy,
And wonder,
And things beyond us,
And seeing beyond,
What we might see before us,
We all have stories,
We all have been through pain,
We all have been through hurt,
We all need someone to trust,
Someone we can believe in,
We need to look inside us more,
Stop looking at just insignificant things,
Physically is only going to last so long,
Something can change so quickly,
I believe that we can be compassionate,
If we really put ourselves out there,
And pay attention to the world,
And not just what is around us,
I believe that we have love,
And can be loved,
And find joy,
If we look beyond,
See the truth,
And hold on,
Through the rough times,
Strength the good times,
And keep on going,
Through every moment,
Until the end,
And I believe,
We can do that,
If we just put our faith,
Into the love,
The power,
The hope,
The dreams,
And everything around us.

My Favorite Song

Whenever I listen to that melody,
Whenever I listen to those words,
I go into a trace,
I go into another place,
I go into another state,
My mind wonders,
My thoughts move so quickly,
I close my eyes,
I take a breath,
I listen to the words,
Listen to the words,
Listen to the emotions that run,
Listen to everything as it hits my heart,
Hits my inner being,
Thinking about the time I first heard them,
First felt them through my being,
My favorite song,
Those words that I can hear,
When I listen to it,
When I haven’t listened to it,
When everything was dark,
When everything is light,
When everything is in between,
Then you came into my life,
And everything changed,
Even how I felt toward my favorite song,
There seemed to be deeper meaning,
Deeper emotions,
Deeper everything,
And I felt that the song,
Although probably dedicated to so many,
Was so perfect for you and I,
Because I knew at that moment,
That not only my life had changed,
That everything was wonderful,
That everything was going to be better,
Because I had you,
And that day when you came into my life,
That day when you held me the first time,
Was when my favorite song,
The one that got me through so much,
Fit so well,
As our song,
Forever more.

Day 2 Your First Love

My first love now that is a very easy story to tell. His name was Matthew Pomazal but he went by Matt. I met him when we were in the 6th grade and he was my first crush and first guy I had feelings for. I remember the day I was playing four square with my best friend Lacy and was waiting to get back in when I noticed his brown hair with curls and his blue eyes. There was just a spark from the very beginning. From that day until the day I left to go to another school we were together as much as possible.

We spent lunch together and when we started Junior High he would walk me to my various classes since we didn't have any together. He would even walk me to my bus and would talk on the phone. He was the first guy that ever told me that he liked me and that will always stick with me. I even did see him many years later and so much had changed. We did go out for lunch and catch up on times and I remember my heart beating fast still feeling those same feelings that were not gone as much as I thought. I still think about him every now and then and remember how once upon a time a brown hair, blue eyed, sweet shy guy thought of me like a girlfriend and brought the first trust into guys into my life. 

My Best Friends

I am so blessed to have so many great friends,
Friends that are there for me every single moment,
Different types of personalities,
Different types of beings,
Some knowing me longer than others,
Some even a bit better than others,
But all of them I feel some sort of connection,
A friendship that is beautiful,
A friendship that is true,
A friendship that means the world to me,
Even if I am not always able to express it,
A friendship that goes on,
That is there no matter the distance,
Or time,
Someone I can trust with my being,
My heart,
My emotions,
My everything,
I am so blessed,
So blessed to have so many great friends,
Those that stand through the test of time,
Those that feel the hurt,
That feels the pain,
That feels the happiness,
The wonder,
The laughter,
The tears,
And everything in between,
I am so blessed,
To have so many best friends,
Ones I have known for just short period of time,
And those I have known for years,
I don’t know what I would do without them,
The conversations,
The everyday blessing,
The beauty of it all,
So thank you every one of you,
All those that have come into my life,
I am so grateful to have you,
Every one that means so much to me,
You mean the world to me,
Every single day,
All my best friends,
From close,
And far away.

Day 1 Introduction

Here is day 1 of 30 in blog form :)

My name is Mandy was born Mandy L. Howarth but now Shorb. I was married in October 23rd of 2004 and Divorced in April of 2007 I decided to keep the last name as I had a lot of things set up by that time with Shorb and didn't see the point in changing it until hopefully getting married again. I have been running yahoo groups for a long time back when they were yahoo clubs. I was born with not knowing my father which has since continued last I knew he lived in Arizona back when he still owed child support. His name is Jack and my mom's name is Rose. I was raised as her being a single parent pretty much all my life but I couldn't ask for a better mom she is one of my best friends.

I am currently 29 will be the big 30 on February 15th of next year but for me age doesn't seem to matter I have gone through a lot in my life that I am not like OMG type like many others have been. I have been an asthmatic for 11 of those years being diagnosed with asthma about the time I turned 18 which my mom was when she was in her 30s. Especially in the last few years my asthma has been a huge struggle for me. I have now been uninsured on any decent health care for over 3 years now. Currently I am unemployed along with my mom searching for work.

I do have a wonderful boyfriend that I've been with for over a year that I met on May 3rd of 2009 his name is Troy. Other than my mom and him my biggest support outside of my yahoo groups is my best friend Adam and Nikki. Adam I have now known for 13 years and Nikki for almost 13 years as well. I am a caring, out going, easy going, enjoy movies, talking on the phone, spending time with Troy and my friends, and enjoy the game nights my friends have.

I love to write and have been writing most of my life. I do enjoy reading which I mostly do while on the bus. I love listening to music. I came to Christ and was saved on December 6th of 2009 and was baptized on February 7th of 2010. I love passionately and believe in showing emotion as I have seen so many things not been said due to one thing or another. I am a romantic and always have been. I have always had an easy way of putting emotions onto the page.